[Worship] order of service folder for pilot program this summer

[Adeline Bailey]

Thanks, Martha,
I hesitate to change wording in the philosophy of inclusion. I think 
it's still in draft form, so most likely it would be fine to edit, but 
we probably should go through whatever committee drafted it - Board? 
Social Justice?
The Worship section awaits Kat's revisions, but I changed the wording  
as you suggested (in case we end up going with it for this summer).
Still struggling with the first mention of Weekly Update. Here's how I 
have it now: To receive the newsletter by email and to sign up for our 
emailed Weekly Update, contact fuusm at suddenlinkmail.com.
I appreciate your careful review,
Adeline

On 6/1/2017 2:36 PM, Martha McGovern via Worship wrote:
> Hi, Adeline --
>
> The overall folder looks very good.  I appreciate what effort it has 
> taken to get it to this point!
> Of course, I have a few suggestions for improvement.
>
> Martha
>
> Are You a Newcomer?
> For smoothness, consider "join us for refreshments and 
> conversation."    The tea or coffee wording seems awkward.
>
> We Welcome:  The verb forms and syntax don't seem in parallel. Consider
> "We strive to be a congregation that welcomes all persons, and we are 
> committed to structuring . . ."
> OR
> "We strive to be . . ., and we commit to structure . . ."
>
> Are You New UU?
> Let's condense and clarify.  "To receive the Weekly Update and the 
> monthly newsletter by email, contact . . ."
>
> Children/Parents
> ". . . welcome and begin . . .    No comma needed.
>
> Faith
> Alternate wording suggestion:  "We gather in reverence and gratitude 
> for our worship services and strive in these services to create 
> opportunities for . . ."
> How about "worship service OF music, story . . ."?     (The word 
> "include" appears again right away.)
>
> Interested in Becoming?
> No comma needed: "with Greeter/Host or with Rev Kat
>
> I think it is "Hearing Assistance Devices"
>
>
>
>
>
> --------------------------------------------------
> From: "Adeline Bailey via Worship" <worship at fuusm.org>
> Sent: Thursday, June 01, 2017 12:12 PM
> To: "Worship & Music Committee members" <worship at fuusm.org>; "Tabatha 
> Hubbard" <blakesmom429 at yahoo.com>; <erbandherbs at hotmail.com>
> Cc: "Adeline Bailey" <adesign at suddenlink.net>
> Subject: [Worship] order of service folder for pilot program this summer
>
>> Hello, friends,
>>
>> Today is your deadline to send corrections, suggested edits, etc. for
>> the new folder we hope to try this summer. I have done some more work on
>> the piece - reduced type size, added more info in some areas, corrected
>> some typos that we had noticed-- and in general, I am happier with it.
>> This is still a draft version; I need additional staff photos (Tabatha,
>> Lela, Becca, Emily (kind of faked one of Emily-not very good) and good
>> contact info for Becca Immele to request her photo (or take one), and
>> Kat's edit on the Worship section. (I'm OK with the way the philosophy
>> of inclusion fits now.) When you've had a chance to review the piece, or
>> review this second draft, please respond with your edits.
>>
>> Thanks,
>>
>> Adeline
>>
>>
>
>
>
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>
>
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