[Worship] order of service folder for pilot program this summer

[Martha McGovern]

Hi, Adeline --  I think you have smoothed the Weekly Update, etc. very well.

Martha

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Adeline Bailey via Worship" <worship at fuusm.org>
Sent: Friday, June 02, 2017 10:44 AM
To: "Martha McGovern via Worship" <worship at fuusm.org>
Cc: "Adeline Bailey" <adesign at suddenlink.net>
Subject: Re: [Worship] order of service folder for pilot program this summer

> Thanks, Martha,
> I hesitate to change wording in the philosophy of inclusion. I think it's 
> still in draft form, so most likely it would be fine to edit, but we 
> probably should go through whatever committee drafted it - Board? Social 
> Justice?
> The Worship section awaits Kat's revisions, but I changed the wording  as 
> you suggested (in case we end up going with it for this summer).
> Still struggling with the first mention of Weekly Update. Here's how I 
> have it now: To receive the newsletter by email and to sign up for our 
> emailed Weekly Update, contact fuusm at suddenlinkmail.com.
> I appreciate your careful review,
> Adeline
>
> On 6/1/2017 2:36 PM, Martha McGovern via Worship wrote:
>> Hi, Adeline --
>>
>> The overall folder looks very good.  I appreciate what effort it has 
>> taken to get it to this point!
>> Of course, I have a few suggestions for improvement.
>>
>> Martha
>>
>> Are You a Newcomer?
>> For smoothness, consider "join us for refreshments and conversation." 
>> The tea or coffee wording seems awkward.
>>
>> We Welcome:  The verb forms and syntax don't seem in parallel. Consider
>> "We strive to be a congregation that welcomes all persons, and we are 
>> committed to structuring . . ."
>> OR
>> "We strive to be . . ., and we commit to structure . . ."
>>
>> Are You New UU?
>> Let's condense and clarify.  "To receive the Weekly Update and the 
>> monthly newsletter by email, contact . . ."
>>
>> Children/Parents
>> ". . . welcome and begin . . .    No comma needed.
>>
>> Faith
>> Alternate wording suggestion:  "We gather in reverence and gratitude for 
>> our worship services and strive in these services to create opportunities 
>> for . . ."
>> How about "worship service OF music, story . . ."?     (The word 
>> "include" appears again right away.)
>>
>> Interested in Becoming?
>> No comma needed: "with Greeter/Host or with Rev Kat
>>
>> I think it is "Hearing Assistance Devices"
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> --------------------------------------------------
>> From: "Adeline Bailey via Worship" <worship at fuusm.org>
>> Sent: Thursday, June 01, 2017 12:12 PM
>> To: "Worship & Music Committee members" <worship at fuusm.org>; "Tabatha 
>> Hubbard" <blakesmom429 at yahoo.com>; <erbandherbs at hotmail.com>
>> Cc: "Adeline Bailey" <adesign at suddenlink.net>
>> Subject: [Worship] order of service folder for pilot program this summer
>>
>>> Hello, friends,
>>>
>>> Today is your deadline to send corrections, suggested edits, etc. for
>>> the new folder we hope to try this summer. I have done some more work on
>>> the piece - reduced type size, added more info in some areas, corrected
>>> some typos that we had noticed-- and in general, I am happier with it.
>>> This is still a draft version; I need additional staff photos (Tabatha,
>>> Lela, Becca, Emily (kind of faked one of Emily-not very good) and good
>>> contact info for Becca Immele to request her photo (or take one), and
>>> Kat's edit on the Worship section. (I'm OK with the way the philosophy
>>> of inclusion fits now.) When you've had a chance to review the piece, or
>>> review this second draft, please respond with your edits.
>>>
>>> Thanks,
>>>
>>> Adeline
>>>
>>>
>>
>>
>>
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>>
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>
>
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