[Women] Women's Group Concerns

Tue Feb 9 13:51:37 CST 2021

Thank you to Rev Kat for suggesting this type of discussion be taken away from all inclusive emails, as well as the grievance procedures which should be followed. I see it has not happened. Thank you Cindy Brown, I whole-heartedly agree  with your statement. Thank you Melinda Mc. for the informational links provided. Thank you Robin for your sensible comments. 

I am responding to all because I want you to know I am asking Ralph to remove me from the list for women. Without intending to be hateful, I feel as if this discussion online to all is unwarranted, and amounts to spreading gossip. True or false is not up to me to decide, but it really does harm to others when it comes across as trial by fire without the benefit of the accused being present. I no longer wish to participate. 

I do hope if any harm has been done that it will be resolved in a fair manner without the hearsay of “he said, they said”. 

Best Wishes
Brenda Lisk
Over and Out  

From: Annie Warmke via Women 
Sent: Tuesday, February 09, 2021 12:15 PM
To: women at fuusm.org 
Cc: Annie Warmke 
Subject: Re: [Women] Women's Group Concerns

Thank you for your thoughts Michelle Wilson.  Thank you for reiterating that this has been an issue since 2019 and the process that took place or didn't, to deal with it.  I want to explain, again the sequence of events that led me to bring this issue out into the open.

I've had quite a back lash for speaking up in this way.  It feels really bad to ask that women and children feel safe from bullying and harrassment and then be attacked for addressing it in a way that makes it less possible to brush it under the rug.  I know these are sensitive issues that we often don't know how to talk about, but none-the-less, if four women came forward, how many more are out there.   Some of us know the names of these women, and know that Roger did his due diligence.

Don't we have an obligation to let our members know that we are concerned and want to offer support to those that may have had this (or other similar) experiences?  "Siding with love" sometimes means "tough" love and sometimes that means putting everything out into the open for safety.  

As a side note:  I spoke up in Aug. 2019 when the women's group was here for dinner, and out of that meeting the women's group put together a self-defense class.  I waited to see what would be done by those who had the ability to do something about it, and then the person in question moved away.  The reason I spoke up again last week is that I found out the person in question was planning to return to live here so he could come back to the church and to his friends.  That set off an alarm for me.  I am grateful to Roger Kalter for his attempts to do the right thing since at least July 19th when he first asked my advice.

It is the men who need to step up to the plate on these issues.  They should be disturbed that we don't have policies in place that have the potential ability to offer protection to those (men and women, girls and boys) who can be subjected to bullying and harassment, or worse.  I am glad to see some of our male members offering some input.  

Again, thanks Michelle.  I appreciate your weighing in.  Annie Warmke

On 2/9/2021 10:38 AM, Michelle Wilson via Women wrote:

  At some point we have to do something...  What's the next step? Who specifically do we contact?

  I know of information first hand and I know the man who is bringing up concerns went and spoke to each woman individually to verify the information. He was trying to get something done by working with the mens group. I hate to be negative but it feels like herding cats. At some point, action needs to be taken. It's been several years now. So, what is the next step? I don't know of the other cases but the one I'm familiar with we already very directly addressed the person causing the issue and that did absolutely nothing. In my family, he was addressed by three separate people and we were not careful to be nice. He doesn't see a problem. 

  At this point we need to address it as an organization. If we need to reach out to the committee on ministries, who specifically should we contact? Also, it seems pointless to contact anyone if nothing will be done. I expect a timeline and action or why even bother complaining. I totally understand why this got posted to the larger group. It feels like inaction and that is very frustrating.

  I'm not trying to cause a problem but if we can't even address an obvious issue like this then what are we doing?

  Michelle Wilson, AIF®, CSRIC®

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  On Mon, Feb 8, 2021 at 3:00 PM revkat--- via Women <women at fuusm.org> wrote:

    It is most respectful to share concerns in person or on Zoom,and address matters in clear and direct communication with those who have a grievance.  It appears  less so to use email.  I myself have experienced great damage to relationships and community through unwise and unkind email postings.

    We do affirm and promote a "Safe Congregation" based on our FUUSM Affirmation and I share here a portion of the Policy Manual on Grievance Resolution.

    [ 2021 ]  First Unitarian Universalist Society of Marietta
    Current members of the Commitee on Ministries:
    Rev. K. Hawbaker, Ron Rees, Nina Redd & John Kidd.

    Conflict Resolution and Grievance Procedure
    Adopted by the Board of Trustees, April 9, 2003

    1.      All congregants and staff members are expected to endeavor to settle differences and conflicts by use of clear, direct, honest and loving communication with the parties concerned.  The grievance procedure should be followed in cases where such communication fails to bring satisfactory resolution.

    2.      Any grievances must be submitted to the Committee on Ministries.  If needed, to meet this requirement, congregants appointed by the Committee on Ministries will provide assistance.  The person initiating the action and any associates who wish to participate in this action must sign the written grievance document.  The document must indicate the date on which it is properly submitted.

    3.      Any grievance between any parties of the FUUSM community must be 
            submitted in this documented form to the Committee on Ministries. 

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