[Women] April meeting
B.Lisk
blisk at att.net
Tue Apr 14 10:39:04 CDT 2020
Thank you Anna, for checking in. I loved working on the books with Rhea and I miss both of you. I can certainly understand how much you love the mountains of Western NC. George & I rode our Mcycles all the way from Winchester, VA through the mountains all the way to where the Blue Ridge meets the Smokies. I found some of the most beautiful parts of NC right there West of the Biltmore, in Asheville. We wish you much more continued happiness and health while you live there and enjoy your mountains.
Brenda and George Lisk
From: Anna Marcel de Hermanas via Women
Sent: Monday, April 13, 2020 3:01 PM
To: A List for the Women of FUUSM
Cc: Anna Marcel de Hermanas
Subject: Re: [Women] April meeting
I am not sure how to send this to all the FUUSM women, but I am still on the list (moved to western NC 2 1/2 yrs. ago after 30years there) and read the reinvention stories you posted. While reading Annie's story, I realized that she might be the person who we got our dog Loretta from (many of you will remember her from women's gatherings at my place), and after checking with our mutual friends, the Canady's, confirmed it. Just wanted to recognize our connection and to affirm that human growth is linked to our ongoing reinvention. I miss you all, but love our new home in the mountains. will try to send a Loretta photo later. Anna Marcel de Hermanas
On Thu, Apr 9, 2020, 4:04 PM Chris Hoke via Women <women at fuusm.org> wrote:
Brenda:
Thank you for sharing your life’s story with us. You are an amazing woman. Very strong. I do not believe i could have endured your hardships. You are and will be an excellent mentor to young addicted people today. You can show them how, yes, they can survive and thrive once they overcome their addictions.
Chris
On Apr 8, 2020, at 7:38 PM, B.Lisk via Women <women at fuusm.org> wrote:
Hi everyone!
This is a great topic, I hope I can manage to keep it brief. Reinvention of oneself is very painful, but I consider the result very worthwhile. As a teen Mom, “my” son from a short lived teen marriage, was born a month prior to my 17th birthday. It did not take long for me to discover I could not bear to allow myself to follow into the family footsteps of Mommy and Housekeeper, tending to a man and children. Not at least before I had any chance to live out in the world. I seemed to have been born with itchy feet. I was very restless and discontent. My high school sweetie and teen husband was the kind who would be content to stay in one place, one job, one mindset forever.That projection has proven to be true. That was not me. I did not end that relationship in a nice way, but did end it. I am embarrassed to say I allowed my parents to raise my son while I became footloose and fancy free for the next 10 years.
A few years after graduation I remarried during the Vietnam war, and “we” became part of the counter culture of the late sixties and early seventies, going where he pleased, doing what he pleased. Freedom was the word. I adored him, made him my higher power, became co-dependent with him, losing my never fully developed identity to him. I did not know what I wanted, only to please him. Keep in mind this is retroactive thinking and understanding.
Actually, we had many adventures and much fun and I did not realize I had no goals of my own, other than the ones I thought I once had, which had faded away into just following what he wanted. (The song My elusive dreams comes to mind) along with (Me and Bobby McGee). Somewhere along the way some things seemed traditional, having a little rented house, him working steadily and coming home at regular times to regular meals. We decided to start a family and had been told that was not going to happen without medical assistance. About this time the family disease of alcoholism reared it’s ugly head, early stages, and life began to gradually fall apart. This was not fully realized, due to lack of understanding and education regarding the subtle changes taking place and how addiction slinks into lives. I did have some intuition that it would not be a good idea to start a family, so we did not pursue that avenue. The traditional way of life did not last very long, and we hit the road, selling everything we owned, in order to do more experimentation with other substances. Seeking new adventures and places. The year 1974 brought trauma for me and my primary family when my hero brother died as the result of a gunshot wound he received in a bar fight. After his premature death, I became more and more depressed and as a result I tried to self-medicate with assorted substances. I had never been able to drink like my husband. I seemed to have a physical aversion to alcohol, becoming sick after only a few drinks. I thought MJ was the answer for me, I believed it was “God’s” cure for alcoholism because my husband was not nasty if he smoked, rather than consuming alcohol. This went on far too long and I finally realized life was passing by with no accomplishment on my part in anything. All we did was get high, living off his earnings from self employment, we watched pictures on TV while listening to music and making up stories in my head, or writing books in my head and never remembering the next day what great ideas I had thought of to write about. We visited only other people who were doing the same things and accomplishing nothing. I could not stand anymore and realized I was wasting not only time, but my own life, and my intelligence. (Song: Highway to Hell comes to mind). I made up my mind to save money and leave, to go back to Texas where I had been working with UT students (I was only 25) prior to my brother’s death, and get a life of my own and to leave my husband behind. That did not happen.
My Higher Power,or Spiritual Guide, whatever you want to call Shim evidently had some other things in mind because after just over 7 years into this second marriage,out of the blue, while making these plans to leave, I became pregnant. WE were all stunned, but very happy about the prospect of having a baby after all these years and having been told this would not happen. So, YES, reinvention needed to happen, to me HAD to happen, because the lifestyle I was living was not acceptable to me for a baby to join in. Many changes took place in the year of expecting her arrival, just about everything in fact. I needed to learn to transition from being a dope smoking, pill popping hippie to becoming a real socially acceptable Mommy. Unfortunately, Daddy did not make the necessary changes and after her second birthday, many more transitions had to take place.
A second pregnancy, my return to college to gain credibility and skills to work. To get over my awkwardness and fear of regular folks, to learn how to function in life in the business world. Because for the next 10 years my role had to become head of household, Mommy & Daddy both most of the time, working, going to classes, being there for them as the disease took my husband to the depths of HELL, but I can tell you, he made it through with his life and he is recovered and in recovery and we are active in recovery programs, trying to help others from our own personal experience. We have raised our girls and made a good home for them. We are one rare couple who managed to stay together through the ups and downs of addiction and the mental, physical and spiritual bankruptcy addiction causes. They are all grown now and they love us.
I know the Wednesday meeting is over now and there is a lot more to talk about regarding the transitional periods, but enough for now. I love all of you, miss you and wish we can all be together very soon. Please stay well in the meantime. I find FUUSM folks part of the solution, rather than the problem.
All the best regards to you,
Brenda Lisk
From: Karen Binkley via Women
Sent: Tuesday, April 07, 2020 3:58 PM
To: A List for the Women of FUUSM
Cc: Karen Binkley
Subject: Re: [Women] April meeting
Sent from my iPhone
On Apr 7, 2020, at 2:57 PM, Suzyn Mills via Women <women at fuusm.org> wrote:
Laura, I personally will miss your wonderful smiles, your spontaneous energy, glee, and your amazing hugs. I feel like I just barely got to know you and now you’re gone! My heart breaks for that brief encounter, but I’m sure your heart knows where it needs to be. We will always remember and cherish your brief time in our lives!
Suzyn
Sent from my iPhone
On Apr 7, 2020, at 1:24 PM, Annie Warmke via Women <women at fuusm.org> wrote:
Laura; We will miss you so much!
On 4/7/2020 12:53 PM, Laura Grolla via Women wrote:
Hello all, this is Laura Grolla, recently a Marietta resident and now returned to Texas. I felt such connection with you all that I thought I'd add a brief share about reinvention as I am right in the middle of it. I must admit my soul picked a strange time but my soul has been in charge and the path continues in its odd miraculous unfolding.
I agree with Annie that reinvention is uncomfortable and a lot of work. I came to Ohio to help my beloved mother pass and thought it would be a year to two or three and decided to quit my job as a Victim's Advocate and paralegal in a small town in Texas and let God do with me what he or she would. It was exciting, no, thrilling, to so surrender to the divine. There was a peace and certainty to it that has stayed with me, the wonderful feeling of being swept up into a wave of purpose in behalf of a wholehearted act of love. I had a dream that I should go to Marietta and I woke up, quit my job and began packing. It took two months to compress my two bedroom house and studio into what would fit in my beloved Sequioia and I hit the road.
When I got to Marietta, I did not unpack but simply lived out of my suitcases while I jumped in to taking care of my mom for 6 to 10 hours a day. It was heartbreaking and heart warming at the same time. I got to read Gloria several books while we looked up words together on Google and shared laughs over the excellent writing. We are both writers, artists and poets and I got quality time with a quality soulmate. Best of all, when she had lucid moments, I got to tell her specifically and completely what I loved and admired about her and how grateful I was for her mothering. This was all I could have asked and more.
Sadly, my step-father seemed envious and hostile and began an almost daily resistance to me and my efforts that resulted in me getting kicked out three weeks before Christmas. I was terrified as I knew no one and the proximity to the holidays meant that no one in my family had the money to lend me to get a place. Enter our wonderful UU ladies and Anita Newhart's offer to stay with her. There began a new and very scary chapter of living purely by faith and finding all the love and help I needed from strangers. I questioned why I was now in Marietta. I'd lost my purpose for being here but found a job and listened to my soul. Good and bad things happened. I made great friends and began to do art for the UU cookbook. I sang "The Gloria" with the Marietta College Oratorio in honor of my mother but was never allowed to see my mother to tell her. In fact, at every turn, my step-father refused to let me see my mother. One night, deep in prayer, I realized that my bitterness and resentment of my step-father was making me sick. I sent a text saying I needed to forgive to let go. I got back a nice reply and found, two night later, that my Soul had given me another dream and I woke up knowing I had to go back: my job had become available in Texas.
I have been back a week now and the reinvention continues apace. And, yes, its very uncomfortable. "A mind once stretched never returns to it's original dimensions." Marietta and UU expanded me far beyond the person who came here six months ago I am a different person as I prepare to step back into my old role. I have experienced a sort of falling-in-love with Spirit because I surrendered so completely to my intuition, to that inner voice. It is no coincidence that a dream brought me to Marietta, a dream called me back to Texas, and now I am writing a book about dreaming.
Texas is warm and sunny and I am glad for my big skies and the light that I love as an artist, but truly, the hearts of Marietta were the brightest and the best I've ever experienced I would like to keep in touch. And if anyone would like to work with me on dreams and dreaming, I would love it. My grandmother had "the sight" and I learned to work with dreams from childhood and this book fulfills a lifelong pursuit. Thank you, all, for your warmth and support. I will miss you.
~Laura
On Tuesday, April 7, 2020, 12:15:52 PM EDT, Martha McGovern via Women mailto:women at fuusm.org wrote:
When was a time in your life when you had to start over? Yes - a very thoughtful question. Thank you for raising it.
I'll speak to the time that brought me to the Mid-Ohio Area. I had had a lot of practice starting over because Pat and I had agreed that his career decisions would take precedence over mine. So, we had been in New York, Pennsylvania, and many locations in Ohio. Circumstances changed, though, when he retired and I, having completed my doctoral studies, accepted my first position at Georgia Southern University. I really liked the overall university, the location was close to one of Pat's daughters and her young family, and my teaching assignment (language development, methods of teaching reading and language arts, and supervision of pre-service teachers in the field) was a good match. The problem was the person who was the head of our division within the College of Education. After three years, the work dynamics made life unbearable. For my own mental health, I needed to leave. There were other issues, too: my mother's failing health, Pat's first bout with cancer and other ongoing health concerns, our dissatisfaction with the HEAT and social dishonesty of the South. Anyway, I asked myself where would I choose to live? The answer was the Marietta area. I had attended a conference here in years past and remembered its atmosphere. When I looked in the Chronicle of Higher Education, there was an advertisement for a position at WVU at Parkersburg with a split responsibility in the Humanities Division, especially Developmental Education (teaching strategic skills for reading, study, and writing for success in college) and in the Teacher Education Division (methods of teaching language development and literacy). It was my dream job, in my first choice of locations. In the interviewing and visiting process, I met Rebecca Phillips and learned of her connection with FUUSM. Pat and I had "flirted" with UU-ism over the years, but now I could see a coherence in my future -- a job doing all the things I liked to do, in a good institution, in a location close to my family, and with connection to a compatible spiritual community. We moved over Christmas break in 2000 -- a tough and cold transition -- and I started the new job in January of 2001. That start-over decision was the best one I ever made. Being part of this Beloved Community had made all the difference. Thank you. Martha
From: Annie Warmke via Women
Sent: Tuesday, April 07, 2020 11:06 AM
To: women at fuusm.org
Cc: Annie Warmke
Subject: Re: [Women] April meeting
What a great topic! I started over (a farmer's wife) in 1981 by hiding in a battered women's shelter and leaving everything but my 5 year old daughter behind. I re-invented myself after that so that I graduated college, founded 22 battered women's projects/3 women's funds/17 women freed from prison who acted in self-defense, and created lots of cultural/social change through that work.
Next time I re-invented myself was in 2002 when I left the US with nothing but our 6 year old granddaughter that we'd raised from birth. It felt like someone had taken a giant eraser and wiped out my career, my friends, my goals but I'd promised Catlyn we would be there for her. During the 3 1/2 years we fought in court for her I stumbled often but I found my way by writing for a newspaper about life in a small town (first France and then England) as a way to protest the invasion of Iraq after 9/11. I volunteered at Catlyn's school to teach English to French 5 year olds, and I translated the SOS FEMMES' prostitutes health and safety "Little Blue Book". I grew an amazing garden, made friends, traveled everywhere imaginable, and tried not to loose my mind as I mourned the life I left behind.
When we returned to the US in late 2004 I re-invented myself again as the builder of an Earthship, the first one east of the MS. I learned how to use the Internet and social media, won custody in court of our granddaughter (that's a whole other story involving the grand jury indicting us and more), and learned to be a goat herder.
Reinventing is a miserable experience - it's like being birthed into a new reality and trying to make sense of what works, and what doesn't. I had hoped not to do it again, but I find myself there right now with our need to push our business online. We'd been doing that a little at a time, but now we have had to push all of our classes and workshops to the fall with the hope that things will improve for our country's health. While we'd had a plan to speed up the process of the transition in late 2020 we find that we must let go of everything else and just focus on this one thing for now. Perhaps the most nerving for me is the separation physically of those I love deeply. It is growing difficult as the days pass with no physical contact with people like our granddaughter, who is married and lives an hour away with poor transportation. Jay and I have agreed we will sequester here until it is safe, which means no visitors. It is especially difficult to say "no" to former interns who would like to be here with us since they are not going to work everyday, but if we are to remain reasonably safe we need to honor our agreement to each other.
Perhaps there will be one more re-invention as I grow older and have to stop being a goat herder, and a farmer. That work sustains me so I am making plans for how I can continue to hand on to that part of my life. But then the best laid plans often are not how things turn out. I hope to hear more stories from each other you. Annie
On 4/6/2020 9:10 PM, Rebecca Phillips via Women wrote:
Great topic!
"If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need."-- Cicero
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From: Women mailto:women-bounces at fuusm.org on behalf of Gillian via Women mailto:women at fuusm.org
Sent: Monday, April 6, 2020 8:04 PM
To: A List for the Women of FUUSM mailto:women at fuusm.org
Cc: Gillian mailto:gillianabbo at gmail.com
Subject: [Women] April meeting
Hello
As the host for the now cancelled April Women’s Group meeting it was suggested that I still pose a question for discussion as we do at our gathering. We can email any response that you may wish to share I was talking with Caitlin and it is her topic.
Hugs Gillian
Women’s Group Topic of Discussion:
Though these are strange and difficult times, a promising future still lingers on the horizon. The sun is shining its face, the birds are singing in their choirs, and the flowers are beginning to stretch their arms skyward. Spring is upon is. And with it comes rebirth, renewal, and hope.
This leads me to my topic of conversation for the week. When was a time in your life where you had to start again? Find a new beginning? Start a new chapter in your life? Was it through circumstance forced upon you, or was it perhaps spurred through your own free will?
There are many such occasions in an individual’s life, but I hope that we can focus on the positive. In these difficult times it’s good to remember how much we’ve already overcome and how we’ve thrived regardless. Like a dandelion through the pavement’s cracks, we will all see the light again.
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Annie Warmke
Farmer, activist, consultant, writer
Blue Rock Station/Warmke Farm LLC
www.bluerockstation.com
(740) 674-4300 or (740) 252-6295 Mobile
Radio: When the Biomass Hits the Wind Turbine
WOUB Digital Wednesday 9 am
WGRN Digital Friday 11:30 am & Saturday 8:30 am
Publications:
The Business of Goat Herding (BRS Media)
The Journey Toward Nothing (BRS Media)
Naturally Healthy Goats (BRS Media)
Podcasts: bluerockstation.com
When the Biomass Hits the Wind Turbine
Arriving at Blue Rock Station
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Women at fuusm.org
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--
Annie Warmke
Farmer, activist, consultant, writer
Blue Rock Station/Warmke Farm LLC
www.bluerockstation.com
(740) 674-4300 or (740) 252-6295 Mobile
Radio: When the Biomass Hits the Wind Turbine
WOUB Digital Wednesday 9 am
WGRN Digital Friday 11:30 am & Saturday 8:30 am
Publications:
The Business of Goat Herding (BRS Media)
The Journey Toward Nothing (BRS Media)
Naturally Healthy Goats (BRS Media)
Podcasts: bluerockstation.com
When the Biomass Hits the Wind Turbine
Arriving at Blue Rock Station<annie.vcf>
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